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5.10.2005

 
The post-graduation ecstasy comes to me in little bursts. When wondering what I should do for the evening there is instinctually the initial "well, what do I have due?" only to now be quickly followed by a loud "NOTHING" in my head. And now that work starts at 10 a.m. instead of 8 I don't have to worry about getting up so early. My sleep is no longer desperate. It takes its time, strolls around a bit, stops to have a hot dog in the park, maybe smell some flowers. My sleep has taken its shoes off and put its feet up on the table. I sleep like the long relaxed sigh after the first sip of cold beer on the hottest day of the summer. I can physically feel the burden having been lifted, like floating when I walk down the street. The breezes are cool and I follow their lead. My life has always been my own, but the various excuses I've had kept me from living it the way I really wanted. One of the last giant excuses is dead at last, so live now or forever hold your peace. Drink more soda. Stay in hotels with roaches. Eat things that have a myth behind them. Take off your shoes in the tall grass and try to feel for snakes with your toes. Dance. Sing your own made-up songs. Pretend to be a firework and rocket around the front yard. Jaunty is my new word. Fear has been cast off. This is no metamorphosis, this is a realization of all that I can think of. This is actualization. Liberation. And it hasn't felt this good for years. Not since Sundays of fireflies and forts and sleeping in my backyard with the dog under the giant pecan tree. I can hear a whistle of welcome on the breeze. Welcome to the rest of my life.

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