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11.03.2005

 
Get some things done while it's quiet.

This morning, while I was walking to work, I overheard two very boisterous doucheteers behind me talking about their futures and what they wanted to do with them. This is an exact* transcription of their conversation, please insert high fives and snickering at random intervals:

Dude1: I mean, I think I'd rather be the person, like, selling policies. Selling insurance would be sweet (said with the undertone of insurance salesmen being badass cowboys and loose cannon cops or a little bit better than a ninja)

Dude2: Yeah, that would be sweet, but I think I'm gonna shoot for real-estate law.

Dude1: Finance Law, man. Like fraud cases and stuff. That's two really good paying jobs in one.

Dude2: I don't know if I would be any good at finding...um...like on CSI...

Dude1: Paper trails?

Dude2: Yeah. I'd like to be in advertising.

Dude1: Yeah, like, beer commercials.

Dude2: Yeah, that would be the best job ever. And anyone can do it. You just get a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis and make people look like they are having a good time.

Dude1: Plus that would be the coolest thing to tell people.

Dude2: Yeah, that would be a great pick-up line. "So, I make beer commercials."
(note: He was acting out how he would pick up women with this line. There were women around. They hurried away.)

Dude1: "You know those Budweiser frogs? That was me." (note: still acting)

Dude2: I mean, plus, working in the beer industry means I could drink beer all the time. And that's why I was a pharmacy major. You know, either way I'm gonna get my hands on something.

*by exact I mean mostly exact because I was trying to not have my mind explode by listening to them.

That was the point where they walked off in a different direction.

The thing is, these two date-rape aficionados will get jobs doing at least some of those things, because they have rich, well-connected parents, and also because the people hiring them were once the exact same kinds of people. Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned, or maybe I'm so progressive that I don't know it, or maybe I'm just not a douchebag, but since when are Insurance Salesman and Finance Lawyer such sought after, machismo-instilling jobs? I guess someone has to do those things, and it's better if they're really excited about it. I know I wouldn't want my insurance salesman to hate his life so much that he just takes the money for my policy and spends it all on strippers in a trailer park brothel where it doesn't matter if you vomit because the astro-turf can always be hosed off. I was mostly just surprised to find these two dildoes up and about at 7:45 in the morning, and that they were so chipper. I probably should have asked them for a line. Guys like that love sharing their coke. They'll both be great at being mediocre. Thank God the women around here are smart enough to not settle down with guys like that. Oh.....wait.....

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